WHEN WE SLEEP

The Italian Man: When I don't snore anymore, will you please hug me?

NERDS ALERT

The Italian Man: I was at Dunkin Donuts this afternoon and was bored. Counted how much they make in a day just on coffee alone. They make a lot of money!

Me: Wow! And you laugh at me for reading up on the IRS during my down time. Are we trying to out nerd each other?

The Italian Man: It's not a competition.

WE BOTH CRAZY

Me: You are crazy too. 

The Italian Man: I never said I wasn't.

Me: Touché

ASIAN WOMEN WITH BIG BOOBS = POWER

If there was an army of Asian women with big boobs, we could solve all the problems in the Middle East because we can make Jews do anything. 

- Margarate Cho

The Italian Man: It is true and does not only apply to the Jewish man. You make me do things just by looking at me.

WHEN I'M MAD AT HIM

Me: I just spend $26 on a sandwich.

The Italian Man: Wow! You must be really mad at me.

Me: Yes, I was. Glad you are the only one who figured that out.

TAX SEASON

*phone rings*

The Italian Man: What are you doing?

Me: Reading up about Roth IRA and Traditional IRA.

The Italian Man: Wow. This is how you spend your free time? You really do the most fun things, don't you?

HE KNOWS ME

The Italian Man: What did you do today? 

Me: I went to both laundromats around the corner to check it out. 

The Italian Man: *laughs* Did you take notes too? 

Me: Yes, I did. *pulls out phone and opens Notes app* 

The Italian Man: OMG! I was joking, I guess you are not!

MUTUAL DECISION

The Italian Man: You call that "agreement" because instead of saying "we compromised" (like on the advertisement), you say "we agree".

A GOOD ADVISE

The Italian Man: My dad said, "It seems like a dream, right? Listen to me. Don't fuck this one up."

Me: Sounds like he is a wise man.

The Italian Man: Yes, also a man of few words with fingers that look like bananas.

WIFE MATERIAL

Just because someone wifed you doesn't mean that you are wife material.

TELL ME WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE AND I WILL TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE

Friend: You seem to surround yourself with good and positive people in your life.

Me: Totally. I do it consciously. Life is hard enough on you already, so why let negative people with bad intentions bring you down if you can help it?

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Person: Happy Valentines Day! How was your day?

Me: My day was great!

Person: What did you do?

Me: I went to work. Quit my job. And now heading home.

Person: Okay...

I really don't buy into the whole Valentine's Day bullshit. Dinner and flowers are 3 times more expensive than it usually is. Plus, if you truly love someone, every day should be Valentine's day.